Relationships are hard...
But LOVE is everything. FAMILY is everything.
The past year has been the hardest on Ry’s & I’s marriage yet. Faced with the joy of getting pregnant 3x followed by 3 miscarriages, celebrating then mourning over and over again.
There were times where I didn’t want to be touched and I pushed him away, I was mad at my body, I was out of touch with my body, confused. That rock bottom is where we learned to communicate thee hard things. He stood by my side the whole time. I love him so much.
We could have quit our journey to parenthood, but we haven’t. It’s a slow process, but quitting won’t speed it up. So we fight. One thing I’ve realized as of late is to choose compromise over conflict to come to the end result of peace. Another gem is to enjoy the little things in life for one day you’ll look back and realize they were big things!
Alright, alright, it’s time to spice things up. Let’s talk about sex baby…
Having intercourse for pregnancy does add pressure to the process and can turn a seemingly fun and hopeful experience into added stress, feelings of guilt and/or blame, especially after one negative pregnancy test after another. I know for my Husband and I, we’ve felt hopeless, irritable and dissatisfied and even “unsexy.” My hubby and I have had full on conversations during intercourse in the ovulation window, ummmm...like what? That’s so unsexy.
At one point, we both agreed we needed to address the lack of connection and in the famous words of Justin Timberlake, decided “I’m bringing sexy back.”
Intimacy reduces stress, less stress means greater relationship satisfaction. Intimacy also increases mental, emotional and physical presence which in return improves productivity AKA sexy time.
So let’s look at the top 3 intimacy MISTAKES couples make when trying to conceive.
1. LACK OF COMMUNICATION-If there’s no communication, there’s no resolution, so speak up. Be open with partner, talk about ways to keep the passion alive and to value intimacy. The connection has to be there in order to perform. You & your partner both deserve to feel loved, appreciated & desired. Communicate about the hard things, whether it’s low libido, problems getting aroused, having an orgasm, etc. Don’t hold back. You’ll be amazed how responsive your partner will be, because most of the time, they just want to make you happy.
2. NOT LISTENING-To communicate effectively, you have to listen to each other. As awkward as you may feel opening up about the dirty stuff or lack of dirty stuff, how you feel and how your partner feels truly does matter. So take the time to listen to what your partner has to say, truly listen. Let them speak before you butt in. Ask them to let you speak. Communicating and listening to each other will help you find ways to cope together.
3. TRYING TO DO IT ALL ALONE-This one seems obvious to me, and probably to you, but it warrants repeating. Two minds are better than one, and ten are better than two. When you try and figure all of this stuff out on your own, you’re likely to get overwhelmed, discouraged and feel isolated. At least that’s what happened to me. It wasn’t until I reached out for help, to my partner, to our counselor, to other women in similar situations, when I realized, there wasn’t anything wrong with us as a couple, we're not outsiders. Intimacy issues are common. It’s just a topic most people don’t talk about out loud and that’s ok. Just know, human connection has a way of making people feel less alone. There are strength in numbers so never feel embarrassed to reach out to someone and talk to them about what’s going on in your life or in this case, in the bedroom. By opening up, you’ll explore some solutions.
To wrap it up, to improve intimacy in your relationship focus on communicating, listening and realize you are not alone. There are so many resources and people out there to connect with who can help you face any battle!
Relationships take work, trying to conceive takes work, life takes work. It’s all about making small sacrifices over time for a bigger reward. If you continue to take positive actions, be proactive with your health, declare your goals, have hope & be a good person, I truly believe you will be rewarded.
The fertility journey can be scary in so many ways and I admire the strength that so many women/families have during this process. It’s incredible and inspiring. Many of us already love our future babies and fight for them, imagine that feeling of love when our dreams to parenthood come true. It’s powerful.
P.S. My 1:1 TTC Weight Loss & Health Coaching program is open for enrollment. This is a 12-week guided program zoning into your health journey. Click HERE to apply!
P.S.S. Join our FREE community of women in their fertility journey. Click HERE!